The Inevitable Reality
Reflections on the other side
This is an important topic that I often don’t write about, and isn’t talked about enough, and I hope my contributions in this post will add to the discourse, encouraging us to normalize talking about it, because we will all eventually face it at one point in our lives.
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Growing up I didn’t really understand the reality of death.
In the past 5 years, I’ve witnessed more death around me than in my entire life, especially during the ongoing genocide in Palestine.
I somehow find comfort in this inevitable reality, in this one thing we are all promised in this life - that we will surely return to our rightful abode (in sha Allah, Jannah).
We will return to our Lord.
So why fight this, why hide and run away from this truth?
The purpose of death
To understand something, to be able to normalize it, and accept its truth and inevitable arrival, we have to understand its purpose - it at least makes it easier to bear, the bitter pill harder to swallow.
We can’t live on this earth forever, life would be so meaningless if we didn’t age, if we woke up doing the same thing everyday, forever.
Death strips away the illusion that this life is all there ever is, and reminds us that there’s something beyond still waiting for us.
Death as a means of attaining true justice
The injustice that we witness around the world can often be unbearable.
Seeing babies becoming orphans even before they take their first breath, innocent lives being taken by the hour, and sometimes it appears like the oppressors are getting away with it (although God reassures us that they aren’t). If there wasn’t an afterlife, a Day of Judgement, justice would never be achieved, then the oppressors would truly get away with their crimes.
Can you imagine the genocides around the world just going on forever, with no end in sight? What a depressing reality that would be, but in Islam we are given a different perspective, a rope of hope to hold onto.
True justice is reserved for the afterlife, and we all have to depart this earth to be able to witness it.
In one of my favourite surahs in the Quran - surah Rahman, the commentary on verse 27 from The Clear Quran was really striking:
“Only your Lord Himself, full of Majesty and Honour, will remain forever.” (55: 27)
“Death is listed as one of God’s favours since it puts an end to tyrants, ends the suffering of the oppressed, makes all people equal, ushers in judgement and the enforcement of Justice, and leads the believers to eternal joy and peace in paradise”.
Death is a favour, it is a mercy, most especially for those where being alive is worse than death.
I’ve watched countless videos of Palestinians who wish to be martryed like their family members, just to escape the ongoing torture, the hopelessness of living in this world. Imagine for them if death was not a reality, if this life was all there is. How unjust would that be?
For those of us who don’t live in war torn countries, death may seem like an incovenience, an unnecessary disruption, but for others, it is a mercy.
I realize I’d been viewing death through the lens of the western world, that death is the end, the finality, and it’s sad and gloomy, but re-orienting my view to adopt the Islamic lens had been liberating and healing all the same in understanding death.
That it’s not the end, in fact it’s just the beginning, unlocking the doors to true justice, to eternal peace and happiness, that cannot be found in this life.
For the believer, it’s the opportunity to gain the rewards from all the sacrifices we made in this life - even if they were good for us.
Going against the grain of the norm in society, of popular culture, especially living in the west, or even in countries that are increasingly being influenced by the west. We make a lot of sacrifices, in what we eat, how we dress, how we speak, what we can invest in, what we purchase, how we spend our free time, and again a lot of these sacrifices are actually good for us, although sometimes it doesn’t always feel that way (like not listening to music - I struggled with this for a longggg time).
So we have to face the reality that death will happen, and even in death, God has created a purpose for it, it’s not meaningless.
When you have this view and understanding of death, then how can you fear it so much as I had?
Fearing death
I always use to fear death.
I didn’t like graveyards, didn’t like seeing sick or elderly people, hospitals were my nightmares.
I feared the uknown of the other side.
I feared losing my loved ones, especially my parents, my father who is my best friend.
The beauty of the human experience is that we can all learn from each other’s experiences, passing on lessons. But with death, no one comes back to tell you what it was like, to tell you what you need to do to prepare, and that’s what makes it scarier.
All that we have is what we’re told in our Islamic books and traditions.
Death is actually closer than we realize, we die a minor death everyday (going to sleep - morbid ik, but it’s true). In Islam, we believe that when you sleep, your soul is taken from you and then God Wills for the angels to return it back to you and then you wake up, but there are some others who don’t, who souls do not return back and they don’t wake up, at least not in this life.
I’m not going to lie, this used to scare me a lot, knowing that when I lay my head down to rest, that could be the end.
But now I try to channel that fear into motivation, to do good every day, taking advantage of every opportunity to live out my purpose. Seeking His mercy and forgiveness, so if I were to die that night, I know I’ve done what I could, even though I could always do more, my Lord saw my efforts and intentions.
I read somewhere that the one who fears death is the one who fears meeting his Lord, and being held accountable. (This literally gave me chills).
Instead of fearing the idea of death, now I fear if I would’ve done enough before death comes knocking on my door, but I hold onto the mercy of my Lord, because it is not by my doing that I will enter His paradise, it’s ultimately by His mercy and permission, which I pray He grants me and you.
The deaths of those dear to me
Last year, Allah taught me something I already knew before, but needed to be constantly reminded about. So I don’t forget, so I don’t get carried away and become heedless, so I don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal, the ultimate destination, and the pit-stop, the in-between, before we go back home.
Death is always a reminder of how fleeting this life is, how inferior, how trivial worldly matters seem, a small moment compared to an eternity, a lifetime.
The Prophet SAW said: “What is the example of this worldly life in comparison to the Hereafter other than one of you dipping his finger in the sea? Let him see what he brings forth.” (Source)
People die every single day, this is a lived reality for many of our brothers and sisters around the world. But death hits so much different when it’s your own family, when it’s a family friend, when it’s a community leader, and when it’s unexpected.
When you didn’t get a warning, a chance to say goodbye. But we were never promised warnings, why do we think we are owed this?
Nobody belongs to anybody, except Allah.
Ina lilahi wa ina ilayhi rajioon; indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we shall return.
And you only return to someone you belong to.
In 2024, the passing of 3 individuals shifted my perspective on death.
A young family friend, who was 22, who I last saw the year before, who had so much ahead of him. This loss shook me to my core, because of how young he was, just 1 year younger than me.
But his time had come to an end, just like all of ours will, eventually.
We are all living on borrowed time, that doesn’t belong to us, in bodies that don’t belong to us, in a place that was never made to be permanent for us, that could never be our eternal home.
His passing taught me that death doesn’t discriminate, it can come at any age.
I pray Allah forgives him for his shortcomings, grants him Jannah, and envelops his family in His care, mercy, and grants them beautiful patience to bear this heavy loss, Ameen.
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When I first heard that he was getting sick, I didn’t want to believe it. This mountain of a man, who had made it to his 80s, was just now getting sick?
He was the last person I learnt the beloved words of Allah from, the last person who helped me commit the verses to memory. Whose pen markings my Quran still holds, traces of his lessons, only in Arabic, refusing to teach in English, as he taught me all I ever needed to know.
I would never forget him and his melodius voice, echoing throughout the masjid during Taraweeh prayers in Ramadan, ringing through my ears, moving my heart with every recitation, as if it wasn’t the 20th+ time I was hearing it, after all these years, my heart still trembled.
The duaa that he made after every 4 rakahs of Taraweeh, the one I learnt from him, the one I only hear in his voice, the one that moved the entire congregation to tears.
I want to make it to Jannah just to hear his voice again, stand behind him in prayer, my heart ready to be bared open by his recitation.
May Allah elevate his ranks, forgive him for his shortcomings, and grant him the reward of every student he taught, every prayer he lead, and every duaa he recited, Ameen.
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I still can’t believe she’s gone. It feels like a bad dream that I can’t wake up from.
I did not think 2021 would be the last time I’d see her in-person, my last living grandparent.
I was expecting to see her when I visited home this past May (read more here). Not knowing she’d make it back home before I would.
I did not think the last phone call 2 weeks before she passed would be the last time I’d hear her voice. The last time I’d hear her tease me about not yet bringing a husband home, the last time I’d hear her praising my patchy Yoruba. The last time I’d hear her duaas and praise of Allah flowing effortlessly from her lips. Her duaas were always my favourite part of our conversations, there’s nothing like the duaas of a grandparent.
I miss her dearly.
But I find comfort in the fact that death is not the end. And I pray that I can see her again, all of them and those who’ve gone before them, in the best of abodes, Ameen.
I pray that Allah grants her Jannatul Firdaus without account, and that he rewards her for her generosity and service to her community, Ameen.
From fearing death to living with purpose
How to overcome the fear of death
Practising gratitude
Gratitude is really that girl, the cure for everything, truly.
When you see your life as purposeful and worthy of living, you’re more optimistic about life, which can help to reduce the anxiety associated with death. (Source)
I’ve found that being more greatful for the gift of life, for the opportunity to wake up to see another day, has helped me immensely.
Living with purpose
The Prophet SAW said: ‘There are two blessings which many people waste: health and free time.’ (Source)
Death is a reminder for us to focus and lock in, to make changes now in our lives, before we are called back to Him, for we are not promised tomorrow. For we will not get a chance to return here, to make up those missed good deeds.
Allah says in the Quran, “And spend [in the way of Allah ] from what We have provided you before death approaches one of you and he says, ‘My Lord, if only You would delay me for a brief term so I would give charity and be among the righteous’. But never will Allah delay a soul when its time has come. And Allah is Acquainted with what you do.” (63:10-11).
Don’t live a life that you’ll regret when it’s time to return.
Death can come at any age, and at any time, so what are we doing now to prepare for it? How are we living our lives knowing that we will die one day, any day?
The time that we have now is the only time we will have on this earth, and death reminds me to never lose sight of that, of the end goal.
We will all be held to account, we will face our Lord with our book of deeds, and have to answer for every single thing we did and did not do.
We should do the hard work that we need to do in this life, so we can die upon righteousness and be resurrected upon righteousness, earning the reward we were promised.
We need to live more intentionally, authentically, meaningfully, and purposefully.
We need to live as though tomorrow isn’t promised - because it isn’t - for any of us
Accepting that you will return
Accepting that we will leave this earth and return to our Lord, to our rightful place in the promised abode, has helped me overcome the fear of death.
We’re meant to live this life like a traveller - knowing this isn’t our permanent place of rest, it’s just a pit-stop before our final destination.
Having this understanding helps us to realize that death is part of that equation, it is our means of transiting from this life to the next.
Understanding that death is not the end
Understanding that death is not the end has helped in my grieving process. We still have the Hereafter, and we pray we make it into Jannah, to reunite with our loved ones.
Death is the barrier between us and meeting our Lord.
Knowing that I have to pass through this life to reach my eternal abode, to meet the Lord I had been worshipping all my life, makes me no longer fear death, but actually embrace it as a natural course of life, and the next phase of the soul’s journey.
Getting to meet our Creator, our beloved Prophet SAW, and all the righteous companions and believers who came after them - and the only way to do so is to leave this earth? Sign me up lol.
Death is a doorway, not a disappearance to fear. (Source)
Death is not the end, it is a reunion with our loved ones, with our Creator, and the time for eternal rest.
Let’s face it, this world is a rat race, we’re all running from one thing to the next, we literally cannot catch a break.
Getting to rest forever, in peace and tranquility, I truly can’t wait for that.
Making duaa (supplication)
In Islam, we’re taught that duaa is the power and weapon of the believer, and there are a few duaas that I make that ease my fear of death.
I ask Allah to not take me until He’s pleased with me. To allow me to live to my fullest on this earth, carrying out my purpose, in service to Him, His religion, and the community at large.
I ask Him to extend my life until a time when living here is no longer serving me.
I ask Him to allow me to die as a believer upon this religion, for my feet to be firm up until my last moments. And for my last moment to be my best moment.
I ask Him to protect me from sudden death, and to give me the gift of dying in a state of worship, Ameen.
I pray we are all blessed with righteous endings, Ameen.
A reframed understanding of death
Death should serve as a living reminder, not something we tuck into the back of our minds, never to be heard of until someone close passes away, or until we hear that someone has been martryed.
Now I’m not advocating for us to be morbid and talk/think about death 24/7 to the point where it’s debilitating - no this isn’t healthy.
We need to have a balance of understanding and accepting death as a reality, while continuing to live the life we have been given, knowing that that it won’t last forever, living purposefully until it is time to return, knowing that that return is inevitable.
Jannah has so much more to offer us than this dunya, I pray we all reunite there, Ameen.
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Other amazing pieces on this topic that I highly recommend you read:
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Until next time, I leave you in the care of God, Fi Amanillah (may God protect you).